So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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