She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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