if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
