I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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