But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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