making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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