I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
