I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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