You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
What a dumb baby whore.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
