Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We're too hungover to prance.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
