Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
