no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
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