Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
