Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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