We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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