Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
whose parrot is this?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
