and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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