This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
