dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
