I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
