you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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