Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
