Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
sex in a hospital.. check
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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