im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
