I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
