The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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