Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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