My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
