It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
