I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
