I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
