I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
