i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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