i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
her vagine was all disorganized.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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