I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
