My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
