I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
