My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
