My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
