Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
