A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize