you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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