I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
