it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
