I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
