I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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