I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
