He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
