Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
