It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Enjoy the penises
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
