im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
