I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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