When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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