He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize