Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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