I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
