I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
