can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
