my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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