I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
