Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you traded sex for a burrito?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
