Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
