apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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