is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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