I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
