maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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