you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
