I'm pants shitting drunk right now
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
