my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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