I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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