I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
