so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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