Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
