Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
