I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize