Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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