dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
