If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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