It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
