My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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