What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
