just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
