can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
