You made me cry and you don't even care
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
