remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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