he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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