This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize