i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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