Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
How does one acquire holy water?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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