if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
