May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize