The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
